Monday, 10 July 2017

In Absentia #2 - Over-Apologizing

taken from my fav resource
Regards Coupables

this time, I've decided to talk to my brother.
he's my private counselor and currently I need to hear his words.
I am deadly confused with my own discomfort
to receive daily sorry from him
because he hasn't managed to call me for ... geez I lost count.

several things I feel right now:

  • I have nothing to say anymore to reply his sorry text.
  • I don't think I need his sorry since it feels like a night ritual.
  • I appreciate his apology, it shows he remembers his promise quite well.
  • my craving for his voice vanished somewhere I don't know.
  • I don't expect him to call.
  • I feel tired of wanting him to call.
  • there come sometime I am afraid we are going to be awkward
    when we have to talk to each other like those days we used to.

I talked to my brother about things I feel.
I can't stand them anymore, those feelings really disturbing
and I am not really sure whether it was a right thing to say
"keep your sorry to yourself until you make it.
I do understand your condition and I hope you can make your promise."


"there will come the time when he no longer says sorry
then you regret to tell him not to say sorry."

the words of my brother feels like a hard slap on my face.
"what the heck I'm doing?"

then the long conversation with my personal counselor, began.
some relationship issues I addressed to him:

  • I have nothing to say anymore to reply his sorry text.
  • private counselor said: try to be grateful, he's still saying sorry it's good enough. at least by you replied him saying okay, it's enough.
    what if he thought I'm doing passive-aggressive move just by saying okay?
    pcs: be genuine and everything else is other people's problem, not yours.
     
  • my craving for his voice vanished somewhere I don't know.
  • pcs: doesn't it good? you got back to your sense.
     
  • I feel tired of wanting him to call.
  • pcs: it's your own problem. never expect anything from anyone. try to do thing without any expectation. heartache prevention is such an anti-theses to love someone whole-fully.

there are many things we talked about tonight
and our talk just makes me feel I am such a spoiled brat
who is blessed enough to have my brother around.
at the end of our conversation, he asked me
"can't you think about everything by yourself?"

"no, I don't have such capacity. by the way, that's the reason He sent you to be my brother, isn't it? to help me through this complicated life."

not long after I went downstairs to enter my room,
a text from my pcs appeared.
he sent me this link, an article from Psychology Today
about over-apologizing.
I am touched and send him the link to know
what kind of Apology Language he has.

each time I've talked to my brother,
it only adds more love over him.
I am not ready to lose him in September.
I do need you, my one and only brother I adore.
thank you for always being there when I even can't understand what's going on with me.

#BeyondGrateful #BrotherSisterhood

PS:
as I remember I was once post this image, somewhere in my blog.
I don't manage to find the post which contains it, so here is the
apology vs thank you illustration from Yao Xiao



Wednesday, 5 July 2017

In Absentia #1 - Self-Control

thanks Adams Carvalho for the illustration.
it's been a week since our last loooong talk over the phone.
I don't know whether he gets it or not.
I do miss his voice and his stories.

I try my best not to add his troubles.
the first two day he didn't call,
I went through extreme struggle.
bad mood, insecurity, disappointment,
and many other negativeness haunted me.
I thought I might be insane.

exhausted with my own thought,
I asked for advice to my living diary.
thankfully, she was very mad at me.

#1: People should fulfill one's promise. One of the thing that differentiate from a good person and normal and not is how well someone is keeping his words. Is it polite enough, thoughtfully said or not, really mean it or not, fulfill it or not. Because in one way or another, it shows how trusted someone or he's just a hypocrite.
#2: Life is full of uncertainty. Even you are the greatest person in the world, no matter how you mean your words, if things happen, things happen. Sometimes you need to choose (to me, more likely than not, you will have a choice) to revise your plan or promise. In this case, probably you see it as a promise thus has more effect on you. By understanding that, you also need to understand how important it is.
#3: Understanding and forgiveness. You can consider few things like "is he always like this? Is he doing it with a weak reason? If I were him, what will I do?". After you reflect, try to reconcile. Talk about it after that. Say how you feel, use more "we" that pointing the blame on you or use I as self-focus statement. Use feel than think.
#4: Wake up and realize that your life is not only revolve around him. Whatever things that make you believe he is serious with you is only his words. I'm not asking you to be a bitter person and have no faith on humanity or hate people by believing that all men are the same: jerk and liar. At least approach it with caution. You can't be too naive.
#5: Mastering the 4 points above and then do live you life in a more interesting way. Go out with friends or do something you like. "Baper" only waste your time and time is limited. Be a person with value added, don't make yourself to be your own dementor. Prove yourself worth and stop being stupid for not being called. It is for other party to make it up to you, not for you to be annoyed and let it ruin your day. Bego lu.
Anti-"Baper" trick #1: Understand about priority. You should know how much a person or a matter deserve your thought.
Anti-"Baper" trick #2 (shucks version): Find another "toy". 
well, her words really hit me hard.
I realized I am such a childish person
who tend to always get what I want.

his absence for days makes me rethink about
what kind of person I am.
sadly, I have to admit the fact that I am such a spoiled kid.
the ridiculous thing is when this spoiled kid
always asks for a mature person to be hers.

now, he is in front of her eyes,
she feels happy about it,
but she behaves inappropriately just because
he's been unavailable for days.

dear Universe,
thanks for granted her the thing she wants in her life
and
please do forgive her for her stupidity.