Thursday, 26 December 2013

December, Another Year-end

Thanks for all the things we had and went through together.
They are so precious, irreplaceable and won't be forgotten. Ever.
all of these memories begin from Christmas Eve on 2012.
kami semua dipertemukan dalam sebuah kepanitiaan,
di suatu unit kegiatan khusus dalam universitas Katolik satu-satunya di Jakarta.

jalan pertemuan kami, satu dengan yang lain, berbeda-beda
atau bisa juga disebut 'kebetulan',
jika Tuhan memang tidak ada di jagat raya ini :)

Christmas has its own unique meaning for me.
no, it's not about the gifts,
it's not about the ambience or even the decorations.
little do I care about those Christmas thingy.

last Christmas, I received the best present ever.
up till now, the moment I type this post,
I still consider it as the way God wants to
refine me as a better person.

yes, I do feel this one-year-role is painful,
but I can't ignore and compare the bliss and bless that come afterwards.

call me liar when I said it is an easy role to be lived.
call me liar when I said I do enjoy every moment
I spent with the other 10 persons who have to
received the presents also.
call me liar when I said we are inseparable.
call me liar when I said I will feel blessed
if I continued this role for another year.
call me liar when I said I hate this lovely family.

the quote from Marc 1:12-13
explicitly describe what I've been through
with this one-year-role task God gave me.

The Temptation of Jesus12Immediately the Spirit impelled Him to go out into the wilderness. 13And He was in the wilderness forty days being tempted by Satan; and He was with the wild beasts, and the angels were ministering to Him.

I was led into the wilderness,
when my world was so full of tasks and things to do
in every single day, sometimes included my dear Sunday morning.
I was not sure what has led me to this kind of difficulty.
apart from doubtfulness I felt, now I confidently could say
that I was led by The Spirit.

for one-year I was temped.
it is not really in Satan formed or any superstitious stuffs,
but the temptations took formed of
laziness and egoism that lies in me.
I can say, even my parents were being one of the temptations.
they scolded me nearly every day
because of my laziness, and it once happened
my father told me, seriously, to drop off the role as I was judged
not capable enough to do the tasks simultaneously,
between my educational and organizational life.

I was with the wild beasts,
the other 10 persons who were also in the wilderness,
struggling in our own ways
to be safe and alive in the end of the trip.
it is not 40 days, it took us 365 days to end up the journey.
each of us has our own temptations and also angels
that makes us who we are today.

the journey was hard and troublesome.
I can't deny that
it was full of burden and conflicts.
we were all occupied by our matters.
sometimes we forgot that we are on the same wilderness.

have I ever want to give up?
yes, because it is so easy to give up.
just pretend I have a lot things to do
that makes me so BUSY
and there must be someone that would
back me up.
that simple, so easy to give up.

everyday I face its own challenge,
sometimes it came in the same form like the other days,
many times it was so unique, it was hard for me
to recognize that I was challenged.
perhaps, this is what Father Hardi said as
the tension faithful men should have.
each option has its consequence
and confusion in choosing between them
could possibly grow one's faith.

and this quotes really got me now when I read it again
after this journey was finished 

The voyage is not over completely...
ada mereka yang lainnya,
para pejuang padang gurun
yang akan memulai, atau juga kembali melanjutkan perjalanan.
mereka sekiranya memerlukan bekal,
mereka sekiranya membutuhkan petunjuk awal,
mereka sekiranya akan mengalami proses
perjalanan setahun yang bisa jadi serupa
atau bisa juga berbeda sama sekali dengan yang telah

oleh karena itu,
aku hendaknya tidak membiarkan mereka terlantar begitu saja.
setidaknya ini baktiku yang terakhir,
ucapan syukur yang bisa kuberikan,
bagi kemuliaanMu dan demi unit kecil kepercayaanMu
di universitas Katolik satu-satunya di Jakarta.

terima kasih Tuhan untuk anugerah ini.
terima kasih sesama pejuang padang gurunku,
yang senantiasa menemani,
memberi pembelajaran,
dan menjadi penyemangat,
sehingga pada akhirnya aku bisa melintasi
dan melalui perjalanan padang gurun ini.
dengan selamat, dengan penuh syukur, tanpa rasa sesal :)

my very first special moment with my new family :')
thanks Alex for this cute pic.
the first time we bound verily.
name it. we don't care. we just wanna have fun!
dining after those never-ending-meetings, LOL
family photo shoot... fancy yet unsophisticated. LOL
the greatest j*mbl* I have ever met :')
William, Lena, Surya
Kera, Ocha, Alex
Cipta, Renny, Lala, Brian
for all the life lessons he showed,
for all the wisdom words he said,
and his authenticity,

Father Hardi is the best father I've known so far.
thank you Father, you've been a good spiritual guru.

Monday, 4 November 2013

Glad To Find You

Amy Chan,
an adorable woman who own
I read Amy's writing from one of my friends FB's shares.
the writing is about
difference between dating a man and a boy.
I agree with most of her statements.
it seems like we have the same values
and expectations in a romantic relationships.
when I read about her writing about
the opposite of dating a man,
dating a woman,
it feels like I was slapped in the face.

girl vs woman

her points have successfully made me re-thinking
about myself, as a 21-year-old girl.
I don't dare to claim myself as a woman,
based on her definition about woman.
I am not mature enough when it comes to
emotion management. ugh...

after spending nearly 2 hours,
reading her posts, mostly related to
interpersonal relation and self development,
I feel happy and grateful to know her site accidentally.
we have the same concern and opinion
but in the same time she has broader
point of view which I never thought before.

thanks Amy, for your shared ideas of life.

Monday, 30 September 2013

Never Before

those are for Stella! STELLA! :')
21 years living in this world of adults,
I've never received any kind of invitation
which is really addressed for me.
I always be a daughter of my parents,
and it's common to receive every single thing
coming to my home with my parents' name on it.

once I ever asked to my dad,
"why there isn't any phone call for me?
why is it always for you?"
and he just answered it calmly,
"one day you'll regret what you wish..."
and he is right,
there were days when I really hate to be called.

and recently I saw a wedding invitation for my brother.
I also asked the same question,
"when will I get mine?"
this month is the moment, I got invitations.
invitations with my name written on the covers.

the first one is a wedding invitation from my friend.
her brother is getting married next week.
(and so unfortunately I'm going not to be in Jakarta
at that time, thus positively I won't come to my very
first wedding invitation... I feel really sad)

the later one is a concert invitation.
the concert was held by my religions organization
in my university. I was invited as one of the org. committees.
here it is the publication poster and trailer of the event.

from left to right:
Nikita Rowaldski, Alina Chernikova, and Rolan Zukov

the plot is quite simple, about three persons
living their own problems and they met each other
because of a pendant (which is believed to have charm).

the setting was Russia in 90's.
in my opinion, besides the script,
all of the casts and crews who have supported this event,

they danced, they sang,
they played the music instruments extraordinarily great.
I wish next year I could attend the concert again.
it's too good to be missed, anyway.

by the way, go back to my main topic
about the invitations,
the more I reflect this experience
(getting invitation with my name on the cover)
the more I realize that I'm officially entering
the world of adults.

geez, I'm getting older...

Thursday, 19 September 2013

Let's Sailing!

that's why I believe everyone could be a good sailor
since sailing is learned,
storm is not something to be afraid of :)

Sunday, 11 August 2013


I found this "pin" while I'm Pinterest-ing
in my holiday time :)
it's something to be grateful
for having a leisure time like this.
what I do all day is only
surfing on the internet,
having fun all by myself.
thank God.

my holiday seems not as fun
as it should be.
it's so hard for me to find
a peaceful day in which my mom
doesn't get mad at me.

since I have spent so little time
with my family, uhm, perhaps
about two years lately.
well, blame the organization's stuffs
that occupied most of my time. hahahaha

I believe that's the main reason
why my mom complains a lot during
my presence at home.
truly speaking,

1. tidy up your messy room!
2. put your clothes properly!
3. dry these, clean up those, bla bla
4. why don't you do something meaningful?!
5. why are you so lazy?!
and many more...

somehow I think it's her way to show
how she missed me during all these months,
I never be at home for more than 12 hours.
and if I was at home more than 12 hours,
I must have something to do which made
me spent all day in my room, in front
of my computer doing my businesses.

I don't know what to do
in order to make my mom feels better.
instead of doing what she shouted at me,
I keep doing nothing on my lovely bed,
try to sleep all the day. hahahaha
yeah, I am a jerk when it comes
about holiday activity.
I can be so lazy until it feels like
I will die because of my laziness...

and suddenly, in the middle of my pinning activity,
it comes to me something
that makes me really want to answer
questions from the image above.
I think it's because I missed my childhood,
my period of life which I spent
so much time with my family, esp. my mom.

my mom had never asked me about
those kind of questions.
I am answering the questions
while wondering what does it feel
if my mom asked me those questions
when I was a kid *giggle*

who do you look forward to
seeing the most at school each day?

no one. I just like being at school and
doing silly things, laughing together
with friends.

what's the worst thing
about being in ... grade?

worst thing about being in 6th grade
is a boy who liked me so much till I got scared
of him. ugh.

if you could pack your own lunch,
what would you pack?

junk food, like sausages, fries, noodles,
just like the other kids always have for their

who is someone at school who needs a friend?
I don't really sure, since maybe I'm
one of those mean kids, laughing at
my lonely friend.

what's your favorite part of the school day?
when me and my friend made jokes about
other kids, parents, or teachers. LOL.

who did you sit at lunch today?
at that time I usually ate my lunch with friends.
some of them also brought their mommy's-made-lunch.

what's the best thing about being in ... grade?
the best thing in 6th grade is when
me and my peer danced in Papua style
for our dancing class last-term test.
it was fun, the dancing teacher said
we were dancing well :)

what are you learning now in ... class?
my mom has never asked me this.
she believes I learned something in class,
up till now. hahahaha

who is the friendliest person in your class?
uhm, I forgot her name...
yeah, she is the friendliest one.

what does your teacher do really well?
doing porn things to some of
my well-developed friend.
he enjoyed groping my friend's uniforms pocket,
which we all know where the pocket is located.

what food do you like the most at lunch?
I was really happy when mom made me
a fried fish fillet with broccoli veggies for my lunch.
uhm, I also enjoy the meatballs which were sold
at school.

who did you hang out with the most today?
I think there were Florence, Nicky, Chris,
Kevin, Michael, Regina, and others who I don't
really remember now.
OH! Yosua, Adjie, and Evan!
those three funny boys who always make laugh
each other using their parents' thingy.

gosh, I've been so bad when I was a kid.
but I really miss those days :')

Thursday, 8 August 2013

Recently Watched K-Drama

That Winter The Wind Blows
it's a drama which shows that most people
live this life with their past memories and experience.
this drama starring Song Hye Gyo,
my favorite Korean actress,
and Zo In Sung, the lead actor who acted exaggeratedly
in this drama.

I've watched the story before in a movie,
entitled Love Me Not.
they both have the same story line,
telling about a con man who lives in a messy life
and a rich blind woman who lives a lonely life.
they met and got to know each other,
falling in love, and the endings are different
between the movie or the drama.

I prefer the movie since it has a sad ending.
also I don't really like Zo In Sung acting in
the drama though Song Hye Gyo looks so
pretty in the drama.
this story itself originally made for a Japanese movie.
I'm not interested on watching the original one,
so I watched the Korean version :)

Love Me Not
the story makes me more believe
that human behavior was determined
and shaped by their past.
the story writer must be a Freudian. hahaha

Speedy Scandal
I watched this movie today.
it's a movie about a man whose job
as a radio announcer.
his program is about sharing session,
someone calling and he will respond emphatically.

his life changing because her daughter,
who he doesn't barely know,
shared her seeking-father-story.
later, he met not only his daughter
but also his grandson that makes him
a grandfather instantly. hahaha.

nothing special from this movie.
it has a dull way to show parent-children
relationship dynamic, esp. for they
who haven't met since a long time.
the presence of this cute little boy
added some comedy into the movie.

Wang Suk Hyun
I watched Speedy Scandal because
of the actor, Cha Tae Hyun.
he's not cool or handsome like other
Korean actors.
I noticed him from a touchy-heartmelting
movie I've watched before,
Hello Ghost.

Cha Tae Hyun makes the movie so funny yet dramatic.
I guess Tae Hyun is really good at drama comedy film.
I'm going to watch another Tae Hyun's movie,
it's titled The Miracle of Giving a Fool.

Cha Tae Hyun + Ha Ji Won? gosh, I HAVE to watch this!

Monday, 5 August 2013

PENA, Tahun Terakhir?

unofficial  teaser from me. this is not supposed to be my job,
I just want to make one :P
tahun 2013 ini gw perkirakan akan menjadi tahun terakhir gw
menjadi anggota aktif di sebuah organisasi mahasiswa
tingkat fakultas yang sudah gw ikuti sejak tiga tahun lalu,
tepatnya sejak gw pertama kali menjadi mahasiswa FPUAJ :)

organisasi ini bernama PENA, kependekan dari
pendampingan anak, karena kegiatan rutin yang dilakukan
sahabat PENA (sebutan bagi anggota aktif) adalah
menyelenggarakan pendampingan bagi anak-anak situasi khusus
di rumah singgah Prolife dan Padua.

anak situasi khusus jika dijelaskan secara singkat,
merupakan anak yang hidup dalam lingkungan yang
kurang kondusif untuk mendukung perkembangannya
secara optimal. miskin, kurang pendidikan, malnutrisi,
adalah contoh situasi khusus yang dimaksud.

seperti yang sudah gw sebutkan di awal tulisan ini,
tiga tahun sudah berlalu sepanjang gw menjadi anggota
dari organisasi sosial ini. I've fallen in love with PENA.
awalnya anggota, kemudian jadi pengurus, hingga akhirnya
membantu sebagai badan pengurus harian.
semua peran tsb gw jalani dengan bahagia.
meski ada satu dua hal mayor dari keorganisasian PENA
yang hingga kini tak kunjung diberi perhatian khusus,
secara umum gw tidak pernah menyesal karena sudah
mengabdikan diri, hampir sepanjang masa kuliah,
di organisasi ini :)

target waktu kuliah gw 8 semester dan sekarang adalah
semester ke-7 gw berkuliah di fakultas psikologi UAJ.
banyak hal yang masih ingin gw lakukan, gw coba, dan
gw rasakan pengalamannya.
gw masih ingin berbuat banyak untuk anak-anak kurang
beruntung yang ada di rumah singgah afiliasi PENA.

but life must go on...
gw tidak mungkin memuaskan semua keinginan gw
dan meninggalkan tuntutan peran kehidupan gw yang lain.

life is about choosing an option everyday,
dan gw memutuskan untuk mewujudkan sebuah projek
PENA yang tiap tahun diadakan, yaitu acara eksternal.
keinginan gw hanya satu ketika gw memutuskan
untuk terlibat mengurus acara eksternal tahun ini,
gw ingin mengajak jalan-jalan

it's not an easy task, since I ever thought about giving up.
gw menjalani peran untuk menyelenggarakan acara eksternal,
berbarengan dengan tuntutan peran di organisasi lainnya.
belum ditambah tuntutan peran sebagai mahasiswa dan juga
sebagai Stella, si dedek bengis di rumah. hahahahaha.

banyak hal yang terjadi di luar rencana awal gw.
ketika gw membuat keputusan, gw selalu sudah mempunyai
perkiraan dan rencana yang akan gw lakukan.
gw sudah memutuskan untuk mewujudkan acara eksternal
tahun ini, tapi gw sempat tidak siap dengan
satu dua hal yang terjadi di luar perkiraan gw,
bahkan di saat kepanitiaan untuk acara eksternal ini belum
terbentuk. panitia belum ada, tapi rencana sudah berubah-ubah.
hahahahaha, sekarang hal itu terdengar lucu.

mengurus acara eksternal ini akan menjadi pengalaman perdana
bagi gw, sekaligus mungkin juga pengalaman terakhir.
pengalaman menjadi penanggung jawab penyelenggaraan acara.
I feel terrified and enthusiastic at the same time.

ketidakjelasan sejak awal mula dari kepanitiaan ini,
yang sempat membuat gw berpikir untuk mundur,
akhirnya menemukan kejelasan ketika gw memutuskan
untuk mengadakan survei.
gw tidak terlalu mempedulikan apa pendapat orang lain,
si dia yang menjadi calon ketua acara ini,
si dia yang menjadi calon sekretaris acara ini,
si dia yang menjadi calon bendahara acara ini,
si mereka yang menjadi calon-calon koorbid acara ini,
entah siapa lagi...

pada hari itu gw membuat keputusan: survei utk kemudian
bahas konsep acara lebih lanjut di rapat
dengan berbagai calon panitia lainnya.
gw menyebutnya calon karena orang-orang yang ada sekarang
sangat memungkinkan untuk berganti,
mengingat nama mereka belum tercantum dalam proposal.

segala tetek bengek birokrasi peminjaman mobil universitas
untuk keperluan survei sudah gw siapkan.
tetek bengek biaya seperti tips dan konsumsi supir, tol, dll,
juga sudah gw perhitungkan.
gw bersiap-siap untuk kemungkinan terburuk:
survei sendiri, kalau memang yang lain tidak bisa.

jadi bukannya gw menanyakan orang-orang itu
pada bisa survei kapan, tapi gw melakukannya terbalik.
gw tentuin kapan hari survei, baru ajak-ajak orang.
yup yup, Stella si super ngaco,
perusak prosedur penghancur birokrasi kembali beraksi.

survei jadi dilakukan hari Sabtu lalu (3/8).
gw mendapat kepastian orang yang akan pergi survei
pada hari Jumat (2/8) malam. kepastian itu pun tidak lsg
gw dapatkan.
3 dari 4 orang yang gw hubungi,
memberikan jawaban gantung.

yeah, untunglah gw sudah terbiasa digantungin,
jadi ga gitu kepikiran dan ga mempermasalahkan.
toh gw sudah siap juga kalau harus survei sendiri.
palingan akan ga enak sama supir universitas,
pinjam fasilitas kampus tapi seperti dipakai pribadi
seandainya gw survei sendirian. hahahahaha.

singkat cerita, pada akhirnya mereka-mereka inilah
yang menjadi pahlawan gw di hari Sabtu itu.
gw yakin mereka tidak akan bisa membayangkan
betapa besar rasa syukur gw karena survei dilakukan
bersama mereka :')

God is so kind to me.
I think from now on, I don't have to ask Him anything.
He already grants me everything I need.

I will lost count about how many times
he helped me getting over my despair.

dia namanya Egie.
mantan ketua PENA tahun 2012 (dengan kisahnya sendiri)
sekaligus menjadi ketua PENA pria pertama.
gw ga tahu apa yang membuat dia akhirnya mau
bantuin acara eksternal tahun ini
dengan mengiyakan tawaran untuk menjadi koorbid dokumentasi.

gw sempat ragu dia bisa ikut survei karena setahu gw
kegiatannya juga banyak.
terlebih dia lagi ga sehat juga pas gw ajakin survei.
tapi segala keraguan gw terhapus ketika hari H
Egie bahkan sampai kampus lebih pagi dari gw. hahaha.

urusan kamera, inisiatif dokumentasi, dan segala dunia
perdokumentasian itu ga perlu lagi gw ingatkan
karena dia sudah sangat lebih tahu dan profesional.
kehadirannya pas survei juga sangat membantu
dalam pencarian jalan ke tempat tujuan.

he will never wonder how grateful I am to know him :)

the two heroines, whom I won't forget 

berikutnya ada Donna.
ya, dia yang duduk di tengah itu.
sejujurnya gw sangat ragu mengajak dia ikut survei,
karena gw mengabarinya dengan super dadakan.
Jumat gw kabarin untuk Sabtu pergi survei.
kegiatannya juga banyak soalnya >.<

sebenarnya tidak ada kewajiban sama sekali
untuknya ikut survei, mengingat peran Donna
di dalam acara eksternal adalah untuk supervisi.
tanpa diduga-duga, dia lsg mengiyakan
ajakan untuk survei!
gw serta merta langsung optimis dengan survei
hari Sabtu, seketika Donna memberi jawaban iya.
pergi survei bertiga? nothing I have to worry about!

tapi seperti pengalaman sebelum-sebelumnya
jika membuat janji dengan dia, gw sengaja bilang
ke dia kalau kita akan berangkat survei jam 9.
yup, berangkatnya sebenarnya jam 10.
gw terlalu mengenal Donna,
inisiatif gw untuk menelponnya jam 8.45
membuktikan usaha preventif gw berhasil.
dia baru bangun pas gw telpon itu. hahahaha.

terakhir adalah Asri,
yang manis itu, duduk di paling kiri dari foto :)
proses mengajak survei dia sedikit lebih unik
daripada cara yang gw pakai ke orang lain.

latar belakang gw mengajak dia karena
gw sekaligus harus mencari bendahara.
sebenarnya gw tidak perlu mencari bendahara,
akan tetapi takdir berkata lain,
kami harus bersatu *plak!*

calon bendahara sebelum Asri
tidak bisa lanjut membantu acara eksternal ini.
oleh karena maka dari itu sehingga otomatis gw
harus mencari pengganti.
Asri gw ajak karena dia belum pernah
jadi bendahara dalam acara PENA lainnya.
gw pun maunya anggota PENA 2011
supaya jarak angkatannya tidak terlalu jauh.

gw memiliki tuntutan yang tinggi terhadap
diri sendiri maupun orang lain.
jadi ketika Asri nanya kenapa gw ajak dia
bukan ajak orang lain, satu-satunya alasan
gw adalah karena gw punya keyakinan kalau
dia bisa gw andalkan :)

sebenarnya gw juga mengajak dua orang lainnya
untuk turut dalam survei dadakan ini.
tapi mereka tidak bisa ikut,
dan gw tidak merasa kehilangan juga karena
sudah ada Asri, Donna, dan Egie.

setelah survei ini, gw kembali optimis
untuk menjalankan acara eksternal.
terima kasih...

Di Kala Libur Lebaran

Sulley: ” I act scary Mike, but most of the time I’m terrified.”
Mike: ” How come you’ve never told me that before? “
Sulley: ” Because we weren’t friends before.”

gw baru saja menonton Monster University, download dari piratebay.
acara nonton tengah malam ini gw lakukan dalam rangka lagi liburan.
tadinya selesai mengunduh, gw berencana cuma mau mengetes teks
alih bahasanya saja. tahu-tahu gw sudah menonton hingga akhir, hahaha.
kekecewaan yg gw rasakan ketika nonton Despicable Me 2 di bioskop
beberapa minggu lalu rasanya benar-benar terhapuskan setelah gw
menonton film rilis terbaru Disney Pixar ini.

bagian terbaik dari MU adalah bagian yg gw kutip di atas.
gw merasa sangat tersentuh di bagian itu, entah kenapa.
meski secara keseluruhan film ini sangat tipikal dan alurnya
sungguh mudah ditebak, tapi percakapan di dalam film ini
tidak membuat gw sedikitpun berkeinginan untuk mempercepat
film. gw sangat menikmati film ini.

bagian lainnya yang menarik adalah saat Mike menyadari dirinya
sungguh tidak menakutkan dan dia mencurahkan isi hatinya ke Sulley.

Sulley: ” look Mike, I know how you feel...”
Mike: ” don't do that, please, don't do that “
“ you don't know how I feel."
pesan moral dari cuplikan tersebut, jangan pernah merasa diri dapat
memahami seutuhnya apa yang dirasakan orang lain, terlebih ketika
orang lain sedang curhat. hal ini gw pelajari di kelas Konseling,
dan di film ini dialog terjadi persis seperti yg pernah dibahas di kelas.
gw semakin menyadari bahwa daya tarik film MU bukan dari
animasi, atau orisinalitas cerita, tapi dari dialog para tokohnya.
94 menit yang gw habiskan untuk menonton film ini sungguh
terasa tidak sia-sia, MU BAGUS :D

MU gw rekomendasikan untuk ditonton saat tidak bersama
dengan teman-teman, karena setelah nonton film ini
perasaan yang muncul adalah sayang luar biasa dengan teman.
akan jadi antiklimaks ketika teman-teman tsb berada di sekitar,
kan perasaannya akan lebih menggebu lagi kalau kehadiran fisik
mereka tidak di sekitar seusai menonton. hahahahaha ;)

Sunday, 14 July 2013

Syukur Ada Misa Syukur

Rm. Adi, pengasah spiritual tersayang sekaligus pembangkit kekuatan diri
sebagai catatan pembuka, tulisan ini dibuat
dalam kondisi gejolak hormon yg tinggi dalam diri penulis.

hari ini, setelah gw menyelenggarakan rapat wilayah
(yang mundur sejam karena ada yg terlambat bangun),
gw berpartisipasi dalam kelompok paduan suara spesial
untuk misa pada hari ini.

paduan suara dan petugas liturgi lainnya spesial, karena
misa yang diadakan memang spesial, untuk merayakan
salah satu pengurus PAJ tahun 2010, Aby, terpanggil
untuk masuk seminari.
dia memutuskan masuk seminari setelah menyelesaikan pendidikannya
di fakultas teknik. bagi gw, terlibat dalam perayaan syukur ini
adalah suatu berkah mengingat tidak banyak orang yang
dengan yakin, berani menanggapi panggilan imannya :)

gw sama sekali tidak menduga akan bertemu dengan Rm. Adi
karena nama pastor yg akan memimpin misa adalah Rm. Vincent.
gw sempat berharap Rm. Adi yg akan memimpin misa, tapi tidak
berharap banyak mengingat kesibukannya yg mengecilkan kemungkinan
bahwa dirinya yg akan memimpin misa.

ternyata benar, Rm. Vincent Adi Prasodjo, yg memimpin misa hari ini.
10 menit sebelum misa dimulai, gw ke sakristi dan
menemukan sosoknya di dalam sakristi,
sedang bersiap2 utk memimpin misa.
rasa terkejut sekaligus senang yang meluap-luap secara spontan
membuat mata gw berkaca-kaca.
sekelumit ingatan masa lalu,
masa di mana gw sungguh diuji ketangguhan
dan kekuatan imannya, berkelibat sepotong-sepotong seperti
kilatan lampu kilat kamera.
gw yakin tampak sangat menyedihkan saat itu.

ketika gw menyapa, ga disangka Rm. Adi masih mengingat nama gw.
senyuman yang disunggingkan Rm. Adi saat itu langsung
membawa gw ke ingatan masa2 lalu,
saat di mana gw sangat lemah sehingga tidak mampu melawan
ketakutan yang ditanamkan oleh orang lain dlm diri gw.
Rm. Adi sempat menanyakan kabar gw sekarang, dan
gw menanyakan kabarnya kembali, karena setahu gw Rm. Adi
sakit ssuatu yang cukup membahayakan.

semakin banyak waktu yg gw habiskan untuk bertukar pandang
dengan Rm. Adi, semakin banyak genangan air di mata gw,
sampai gw khawatir gw nangis di sakristi, di menit2 misa akan mulai.
pertemuan singkat berdurasi kurang dari 5 menit itu,
sukses membuat gw merasa terharu, bersyukur, dan entah perasaan
apa lagi yang muncul di saat itu.

rasanya ada banyak hal yg pengen gw obrolkan dengan Rm. Adi.
gw mau setengah mati ngobrol sama Rm. Adi di kapel tadi,
sekedar mengucapkan terima kasih atas hal yang pernah diucapkan
dan dilakukan untuk meneguhkan gw, hingga pada akhirnya
gw dengan sadar dapat menjalani peran gw sekarang.
akan tetapi pada akhirnya ucapan terima kasih itu hanya tetap
tersimpan dalam hati gw dan gw tuliskan di sini, mengingat banyaknya
penggemar Rm. Adi yg jg bersemangat ingin mengobrol dengannya.

terima kasih banyak Rm. Adi.
dulu saya tidak sempat mengucapkan terima kasih.
sekarang juga tidak, tapi saya yakin kita akan bertemu lagi
di waktu yang entah kapan.
terima kasih Rm. Adi, atas penyertaan Romo di waktu itu.

Wednesday, 12 June 2013

Note #2

I always said to myself that it is more valuable
the process than the result of everything we've done.
in fact, I will get myself cursing at the imperfect result,
until someone will tell me that the process
is the most important part :')

poor you, Stella.

Thursday, 9 May 2013

Social Psych

no, it's not cold, it's just gone for vacation...
I hate when I can't do what I like joyfully :'(
I do enjoy my social class,
but I do NOT enjoy my teammate.
they just don't enjoy the class as I do,
and it hurts me bad cause I want to do my VERY best
in the class, which I like so bad...

Sunday, 7 April 2013

Is This My Edge?

is that really me?
it's really not me, doing things inconsistently.
but for this one, I really need to write every single thing that
pop-out of my mind. I. really. need. it. for. sure.

I used to be super Stella.
this is so exaggerate, but I like to use this image
to illustrate the look of super Stella
last year, I managed to accomplish those hells-on-earth
MOW-Metkual-Eksper, Kawil, debat,
Bendahara PENA, Paskah, Natal, Psychocare 2.
seing how I in the end could cope with those hell-on-earth thingy,
I guess I assess myself too much.
I over value myself, thinking I would be able to handle
every kinds of difficulties which could come to my life.

my current state
selama hampir dua minggu,
kurang dari tiga minggu ini:
sempat tidak tidur 2 dari 14 hari kehidupan,
sisa hari terasa lesu, lemas, dan tidak bersemangat,
rasanya ingin tidur sepanjang hari,
so much things forgotten,
much more procrastination,
irritate easily,
empty feeling,
diliputi hopelessness,
cenderung menyesali banyak hal,
can't stop complain,
catch a cold and cough for 14 days already.

is that crazy enough?
keep in my mind that I have no one.
no one who really would like to understand
how I feel and
why Stella could be so misbehaved like this...

there are many nice people around me
whom already have listened to all of my moan.
but still, I don't know, they are just not enough.
Grace, my brother, my mother, Cindy, William, Lala.
they are NOT ENOUGH.

and now, I face another problem.
the one that I really crave to give me some kind of
social support or sayings to cheer me up,
looks like misunderstand with what I've been through
right now.
that person even blame me for being such an
irresponsible, having poor time-management skill,
and become a haughty girl.

it feels like me against the world, right now.
will I fall off the cliff?
grant me some serenity, my dear Lord.
please grant me some, even though I don't deserve it,
since I've been so bad all this time...

taken from here
PS: Google Reader shutting down on July 2013!!!
oh man, this is such the bad news I've ever heard
since the new year. more explanation 
I think I will miss you Mr. Reader.
hello Mr. Feedly.

Wednesday, 9 January 2013

Note #1

Yes, I have to be very careful with every single thing I've said.
There are things that only bring goodness
when they are just be thoughts.
In fact, I speak them out loud, hoping getting insight from others,
and in the end I don't get what I seek.
Try to do your thinking stuff alone, Stella.
It's not everybody's business to know what you are thinking :)