Sunday, 7 April 2013

Is This My Edge?

is that really me?
it's really not me, doing things inconsistently.
but for this one, I really need to write every single thing that
pop-out of my mind. I. really. need. it. for. sure.

I used to be super Stella.
this is so exaggerate, but I like to use this image
to illustrate the look of super Stella
last year, I managed to accomplish those hells-on-earth
MOW-Metkual-Eksper, Kawil, debat,
Bendahara PENA, Paskah, Natal, Psychocare 2.
seing how I in the end could cope with those hell-on-earth thingy,
I guess I assess myself too much.
I over value myself, thinking I would be able to handle
every kinds of difficulties which could come to my life.

my current state
selama hampir dua minggu,
kurang dari tiga minggu ini:
sempat tidak tidur 2 dari 14 hari kehidupan,
sisa hari terasa lesu, lemas, dan tidak bersemangat,
rasanya ingin tidur sepanjang hari,
so much things forgotten,
much more procrastination,
irritate easily,
empty feeling,
diliputi hopelessness,
cenderung menyesali banyak hal,
can't stop complain,
catch a cold and cough for 14 days already.

is that crazy enough?
no.
keep in my mind that I have no one.
no one who really would like to understand
how I feel and
why Stella could be so misbehaved like this...

there are many nice people around me
whom already have listened to all of my moan.
but still, I don't know, they are just not enough.
Grace, my brother, my mother, Cindy, William, Lala.
they are NOT ENOUGH.

and now, I face another problem.
the one that I really crave to give me some kind of
social support or sayings to cheer me up,
looks like misunderstand with what I've been through
right now.
that person even blame me for being such an
irresponsible, having poor time-management skill,
and become a haughty girl.

it feels like me against the world, right now.
will I fall off the cliff?
grant me some serenity, my dear Lord.
please grant me some, even though I don't deserve it,
since I've been so bad all this time...

taken from here
PS: Google Reader shutting down on July 2013!!!
oh man, this is such the bad news I've ever heard
since the new year. more explanation 
I think I will miss you Mr. Reader.
hello Mr. Feedly.