Sunday, 26 July 2015

Thump Thump

after all these years,
I have never felt this warm feeling inside my chest.
my heart is thumping fast
and there is somekind of excitement when I read texts.
I smile and re-read the texts over again.

I feel so happy today.
after such a spontaneous thing I've done yesterday,
I think today is the best day of my Eid Fitr holiday.
I feel tremendously happy.

today I attended weekly mass at Cathedral Jakarta,
for the second time after more than 20 years I was baptized.
I have some expectation to experience the same great feeling
after attending the mass, just like the one I had
when I attended the Cathedral's weekly mass for the very first time,
few months ago, with Erina, my senior in college.

but again, just like the famous Shakespeare saying,
"expectation is root of all heartache", that was what happened to me.
I disappointed because instead of getting some insights during the mass,
I only feel super sleepy.

after all, I still feel happy, ecstatic perhaps.
it is not because where the place but with whom I attended the mass.
this randomness I made impulsively yesterday
lead me into something more serious than I thought.

thanks, Dwin, talking with you made me able to make
such a silly status like this...
I think I just trapped myself, consciously,
once again messing around with feelings.
dear myself, pardon my impulsiveness.
be ready. just be ready is enough.