Friday, 28 August 2015

Talking About You with Fr. Hardi

absolutely! *grin*
I met Fr. Hardi unintended today.
I didn't expect to meet him, my very first spiritual trainer,
since I planned another things to do in campus.
he saw me and greeted, I smiled widely to him
and asked whether he is in the middle of doing something.
luckily, Fr. Hardi said he is not busy hence I book his time.
I want to share him a good news.
I was going to tell him that I re-gained the meaningfulness of my life!
Fr. Hardi is the first person that I came when I was confused
about what I was missing in this life.
I really like the way Fr. Hardi could make this world seems a lot better.

after finishing my business, I rushed to Fr. Hardi office.
the idea of talking with him makes me impatient.
I really want to know what kind of insight I would get
from him today. woot woot woot!

Fr. Hardi smile genuinely as he heard that I got back
what was lost in myself.
I told him I could feel the meaningfulness of the Eucharist
and I love Him more since I could feel He is really never leave me
and always listens to whatever I talk to Him.
I also told Fr. Hardi there is someone who helps me
finding back what I was losing (yeah, it is you!).
I supposed Fr. Hardi doesn't know you so I just told
him there is someone, I didn't mention your name.

there are some interesting responses from Fr. Hardi
towards what just has happened to me.
I even took a note in front of him because I don't want
to miss a thing from what he said. hahahaha.

first, he wondered since I gained my life lesson insight
through you and by being with you, what will be happened
if one day you were gone.
will I be lost again?
will the meaningfulness I have got will be fading?
his question doesn't take me aback.
you asked it before, did you?

I said, firmly, I won't lose what I have found because
this gratitude towards Him feels more pervasive
than everything I have ever felt before.
I think what I gained this time is not such an impermanent idea.
this is a life insight which have changed the way
I believe how things happen in this world.

Fr. Hardi said, then, there are differences between
what a person gained with being someone
and what a person gained through someone.

he gave me an example.
a person couldn't be called as having truly repentance
if he only do it because he felt guilty towards other.
his repentance will be temporary because it is not internally driven.
it is the being of other that makes that person moves to do something.
this case would be different if that person repent because
he feels sorry, genuinely, not because the presence of other person.
the repentance would be more meaningful because it is done
not only for other person but also for himself.

at that time I really got Fr. Hardi's point.
I remember the talk with you, about this stuff.
you once asked me
so you let me go from your life
and then I should stop giving you inspirations?
answering your question, I said
"inspiration, for me, stay on my mind.
it won't go anywhere because it is already
become my new paradigm, to live life differently".
you replied, "well then I'm always be here to be your wizard".
I didn't ask, actually, but you made your own promise. yeay!

"always be here to be your wizard"
Bilbo-and-Gandalf-in-Calvin-and-Hobbes taken from here
second, talking about new paradigm,
Fr. Hardi then told me about something that is called "renewal".
he mentioned a quotation I once repeated to him
when we attended a mass in Tegal, in Lena's new home.
the new-home-blessing mass was led by Fr. Sukmo.
for it is about a new home, I assumed Fr. Sukmo
would talk about Lena's family or blessings or gratitude,
stuffs related to it. unexpectedly, Fr. Sukmo, who noticed
that there were a group of Lena's friends came from Jakarta,
he said something I will never forget
perjumpaan membawa perubahan
(Fr. Sukmo, 24/7/13, Tegal)
the "renewal" thing that was mentioned by Fr. Hardi,
related so much with what Fr. Sukmo said.
Fr. Hardi told me, then, every encounter will always
have even a slight possibility to renew our selves.
any renewal is possible.

he gave me an example.
he has an attitude towards female smokers.
one day, he met a female smoker who are so kind.
this encounter, Fr. Hardi believe, could renew his attitude
towards female smokers in general.
if he met another female smoker, he would remember
that kind female smoker and change the way he behave
to female smoker.
well, this is called as attitude change process in social psychology.

Fr. Hardi added, once a renewal happened,
it will stay in our selves
until another renewal is going to be happened.
I guess this is the way Theologian explain
why people are changing during their life.

I think this renewal thing is what happened to me
when I re-know you, dear Mr. Wizard.
knowledge about you makes me able to
change some attitudes and beliefs I have owned for years.
I hope this new sets of attitudes and beliefs won't go anywhere,
won't be renewed in the future,
because I truly like the way they make myself a better person.

I will never want to be the other me
than I am today, under the influence of you wizardry.
third, the most interesting topic Fr. Hardi told me
was about St. Thomas Aquinas' spiritual direction.
"keterarahan" or direction, as it literal meaning,
is the things we can use to direct our life.
Fr. Hardi's daily observations lead him to an apprehension.
he is sad to get the fact that most people live their life direct less.
they tend to live day by day, got nothing, and okay with it.
in Fr. Hardi's opinion, this kind of life is the indication of drought.
people can free themselves from drought by doing "keterarahan"
spiritual exercise.

he said, originally there are 3 types of spiritual directions,
kindness, righteousness, and beauty.
he added one, which is existence,
because he said there is a slight difference between
kindness and existence.
Fr. Hardi explained to me that existence is related
with something more specific like abortion, adoption,
self-worth, and any other things that is about human being
while kindness is more about gratitude, mercy, generosity, and so on.

he gave me an illustration how a spiritually directed person
live his daily life, direct-fully.
if someone was moved to clean his room,
washing up dishes as soon as he finished eating,
and doing any other chores because he feels there is no beauty
in messy things, this person is having beauty direction.
if someone stopped talking because he realized
that his words would cause pain for others
this person is having kindness direction.
Fr. Hardi told me about the other examples,
but I think those two examples I wrote above are clear enough.

He gives me you,
to make me be a better me
than I was yesterday.
you helps me direct my life, for sure.
found this image here.
I am glad I was impulsively booked Fr. Hardi time to talk with me.
I learned much from our short conversation.
thanks a bunch, dearest Father, you will always be my spiritual role model.

I guess the conclusion of my talk with Fr. Hardi
is this quotes from St. Augustine
(Fr. Hardi is the one who told me, anyway).
kodrat membutuhkan rahmat.
(St. Augustine through Fr. Hardi, 2015).
thanks to you, who became my chatting topic with Fr. Hardi ;)
picture from here