Saturday, 22 August 2015

You Are A Wizard

even though you are my current trending topic,
(I mean, you will be the topic of my writing)
but this morning I asked you, just for fun,
whether you have any topic for me to be written.
unpredictably, as always, you ordered one.
I thought you would say no. hahaha.
well, now I have a homework to do *sigh happily*

you wanted to be described as a wizard.
how about a lizard? hahaha, kidding.

I laughed as I read your request.
while I do my activities today,
I am thinking about what I am going to write
because your wizardry is having some relations
with "my little secret".
considering what you told me yesterday
that you wanted to let the guilty feeling
be my private secret, I have to find another way
to describe you as a wizard.

taken from Merriam-Webster Dictionary

I wonder if you choose the word "wizard" carefully or not.
I searched the meaning of "wizard" synonyms and it turns out
that the other synonyms don't have such a good meaning as "wizard" word.

wizard, a person who has magical powers.
I believe that magic is a mystery.
thing that is once called magical, tend to be indescribable
or has no way to be explained logically.
this fact makes me not really sure,
if these things could be called as magic power
or something you just know (your super knowledge? hahaha)
  1. you know how to make people interested on you
  2. you know how to make people enthusiast with your text
  3. you know how to sound cool people will be so into you
  4. you know how to disclose yourself casually
  5. you know how to make yourself always on my mind although you are not around
anyway, I think magic relates with surprises.
you have that magical power too!
you gave me many surprises with things you said to me.
well then again,
the ambiguity happens between being unpredictable vs magical. hahahha.

wizard, a person who is very good at something.
I won't relate this ability with those magical thingy
because I know you are very good at being considerate.
you said you have that kind of intuition which enable you
to "just know" what is going on.
I used to believe it, but to some degree, I disagree.
I believe your intuition is something that was learned.
I don't know perhaps you got it from the way your parents nurturing you,
or your interaction with your uncle,
or your life experiences. there are many ways to learn.
besides, you have said to me that you use your heart
more frequent than you mind.
I think this is what makes you a wizard,
a person who is very good at noticing feelings.

the wizard version of you? hahaha.
picture taken from here

23.08.15, 05:51 AM

I woke up unintentionally and don't know what to do.
then I re-read my description about your wizardry.
as I read it, I realized there is an important magical power you have
but I missed to write them down yesterday.
so here it is, the sequel part of your wizardry!

illustration taken from here
that is you, the tall gray wizard holding a lamp.
his pose looks like he is trying to explain something,
a guru telling new thing that is hard to be understood by his student.

the one, next to you, is me. standing there silently with blank stare.
she was looking at something. she looks but she doesn't see.
something was missing on her life.
everything she saw could be meaningful, but still,
she could tell there was something in herself that was lost.

she passed her daily life ordinarily. nothing special on her days.
she was functioning well although there wasn't
any drive on herself to spend a day fully.
there is nothing different for her,
Monday is Tuesday,
Tuesday is Wednesday, and so on.
days passed fast with her doing nothing meaningful.

she thinks it was happened because she was having a blurry goal.
she was trying to figure out what she wanted to do with her life.
sadly, in the end, when the goal was known,
the feelings of lost had remained on her.

she did her best to get the answer of her emptiness.
it had never happened before because she used to live her life
to its fullest. she used to know what she wants.

she dedicates 2015 as her self-exploration year because
she is afraid she won't be able to find herself again.
she talked to many people she thought would be able to help.
she wished there were somethings that were said by them which could
make her realize about what was she looking for.
unluckily, their opinions were not enough.
there were even suggestions for her to refine her spiritual calling,
it was something that had never come to her mind, even the slightest one.
she knew it was nothing related with that kind of stuff.
the problem was she didn't know what was it about.
she gave up, then she accepted the fact
that the emptiness wouldn't go anywhere.

one day, she decided to ignore this missing thing.
she believes if it is meant to be found, it will be.
in spite of the fact she was broken because of her emptiness,
she keeps talking to her God, who she knows is the only one
that will always be there for her.
she has this faith although she developed an assumption
that attending a mass in a church is only a religious ritual.
she got nothing every time she joined a mass at that time.

months passed after she made her decision to let herself
befriended with her emptiness.
she thought she could be a good friend
with this new-unpleasant-friend.
just as she started to think about that terrible possibility,
someone shows some magics on her.

she considered magic was something people could only find in
children bedtime stories. there is no such thing as magic
because everything supposed to be able to be explained plausibly.
at the time she felt herself a magic, she got new belief.
now she can say with confidence, there is magic in real world.

it is YOU,
the wizard who could make the magic happens!
picture taken from here
she was so glad she could feel the magic.
her life was more fulfilled than before,
she is able to feel happiness everyday,
gratitude every moment,
and meaningfulness every week.
she knows she is now the one
who she used to know.
an enthusiastic and optimistic human.
she could live her life meaningfully
like the life she always knows.

it is quite hard to describe how
she really thankful because she is allowed
to interact with that kind of wizard,
who has magic in himself but wants to be someone else.
one thing she knows is her encounter with this wizard
couldn't be a coincidence. there are some life lessons
she has already learned while she continues her adventure
in this wicked world.

this wizard is not Gandalf from Lord of The Ring
because Gandalf won't lead her to find her contentment.
Gandalf only care for the ring and Frodo Baggins.

picture taken from here
this wizard is not Albus Dumbledore from Harry Potter series
because Dumbledore doesn't know her well, unlike this wizard.

when Dumbledore meets Gandalf.
comic taken from here
this wizard is not Merlin, that famous old man in many tales,
because this wizard even has a tendency to avoid crowd.

Merlin is too mainstream...
this wizard is very significant for her.
his magic could fill some part of her emptiness, little by little.
she feels so happy she won't demand anything
for she has already got much.