Saturday, 18 June 2016

Damned

I am scared
yet happy
yet cautious.

Since I know,
being in love
means being fragile.

And I hate when I have to be vulnerable
when I am in touch with you.

Sunday, 12 June 2016

This New Person

I've gone to this place for some times but no more than 5. I went there for the very first time with my dearest event-goer pal, Donna. She was the one who introduced me to this comfy place.
I was instantly in love with that place from the very first time I stepped in. Though it doesn't really feel like home, but I enjoy the ambience. I tend to spend more than 3 hours sitting, thinking, working, talking, typing, and creating memories there. In conclusion, this place is very engaging and I always end up to have a nice memory once I hang around here.

Besides Donna, I've been there with
1. one of my old friends,
2. my Om used-to-be,
3. myself

...and the latest one with this stranger.

He is not that super interesting.
He is not that good looking.
He is not that cool.
He is a bit clumsy, I supposed.

Surprisingly,
This very ordinary person is able to touch that sentimental part of me. Since I have been not in my best state of being human recently, I try my best to avoid human superficial interaction. I am mentally tired and I need some 'me time' to recharge and regaining my esteem. At the same time, I have to finish a project task that I've procrastinated for a week. I am really messed up. Nevertheless, deep down inside I wish there will be someone besides me, accompany me, be together in that awkward silent with me, and distract myself from my own thought for a while. Yeah, the paradox of being introvertly extrovert person.

I never know this moment will ever happen in my life, a considerate stranger comes to visit me in a familiar coffee shop. It began with a casual daily text, he asked about my plan today and place I was going to go. I told him everything I planned for today and never expect he might drop me a visit.

I find this event is amusing. I feel like I was in one of those K-drama scenes minus that typical cute and bright colored background. I was in front of my laptop, trying my best to finish what-I-have-to-do-though-I-know-it-wont-be-finished-soon when he entered the cafe and walked in. As soon as he came in, I knew it was him. In contrast, he was shocked I identified him easily.

I feel happy and surprised,
glad yet unprepared,
grateful but also panicked.
I was so mixed up.
I believe I was blush heavily in stupid unsophisticated manner.

This is my first experience to meet such a spontaneous guy who kindly insists to meet me in the middle of my 'me time'. I was giving you that I-am-going-to-be-so-busy impression but you tried your luck. I was pleased you came, anyway.

Seeing what you've done makes me start to think what if we spend some more time together. In spite of the fact, you made some non-verbal cues which show you were uncomfortable, I enjoy our conversation. It is more natural and flows smoother if I compare to those moments we talk over the phone.

So, what is your opinion, thoughtful-unique-stranger-who-happens-to-love-hiking-recently?

Friday, 10 June 2016

Another Lesson to Learn

Some parts of myself know that this might to be happened
but I never know this experience become worse
when I know some people
who are successfully get what they want.
At a time like this, I really understand ignorance is a bliss.

When I logged in to my account to check the result,
I don't feel anything.
Maybe that's the sign from my body
 to prepare myself for the worst case.
And that is exactly what happened.

My dear professor asked me
what will I do if I failed.
I answered her confidently,
I am sure I am going to join the last phase of the selection this year.

I was able to answer her confidently
because I don't know how will I feel
and how disappointed I can be when I really have to face it.

Should I give myself the second chance?
Should I give up?
What is the best thing for me right now?

I can't stop thinking, as always, when adversity visits me occasionally.

Thursday, 9 June 2016

Quirk is A Lifestyle

this captivating image was taken from here


I fell in love with visual arts, esp. illustration (and also the illustrator? Ha!)
I always want to have a friend who is really an illustrator or an artist,
well, not to mention I wish to have an illustrator boyfriend.
This silly dream came to me when I was a freshman
and I know this GD person,
a senior who was actively involved in a movie screening community.
(oh geeezzz! he is getting cooler with that personal site!!!)

His artworks really amazed me and they successfully stimulates me
to explore more about artsy stuffs.
I do really love his creations.
At that time, I have never seen
such good digital graphics as those which he made.

I stalk his social media accounts
(HE FOLLOWED MY TWITTER ACCOUNT!)
and the more I know him,
the more I love with his way to see the world.
He has his own way to tell the story behind his drawings.
It is deep and beautiful.


this is his works that I've seen first time
and I instantly fell head over heels.

I have never talked to him though I know we were once being at the same class.
I was too afraid to talk to him since he doesn't have that friendly face.
I think this indirect encounter makes me develop that dream I mentioned above.
From him I learn a lot about the amazing mind of an artist.
The moment I know this GD person
is the moment I am eager to attend events which are highly related
with arts and movies.

It is not a dream once it comes to be true.
I meet this cool girl named Kanya.
I met her in this internship program in a social marketing agency.
She is funny and super authentic, she makes me remember
I was once have a dream to befriended with an illustrator.
She doesn't want to be called graphic designer.
She is calling herself an illustrator.
She is totally cool!

She enjoys drawing in spite of the fact she graduated from
History Department Gajah Mada University.
Her artworks really catch my attention.
Her quirk way to behave makes me like her even more.
I wish we can be a good friend.


I can't wait to see her first drawings for the agency.
I am totally grateful for the rejection for it makes me meet her in peace.
Glad to meet you quirk girl.

I bet she's such a sentimental bitch also.
image taken from here