Saturday, 17 September 2016

Not Another Taken for Granted

I was amazed at how inconsiderate you can be, Sir.

yeah, I know I tend to care too much for other people
but just because I can do it to anyone,
please don't take my attention for granted.
I do what I've done consciously, as always,
and I am also fully aware to know
you are not worth my energy anymore.

at some points of my life, I have this thought
"why people have to tell others about their sickness?".
I am not that attention-seeker type of person
so that I was wonder why there are such people who
love to tell the world they are sick.
one day I realize, there is this kind of need within a person to be asked
"are you sick? where are you know? do you need anything?".
those kind of questions are enough to make some people feel loved.

that's why I asked this effing ignorance person,
though I try hard to make the question,
whether he be okay if he is loitering
while he is not totally recover from his so-called illness.

I was trying to imply I was worried.
again, when I know he doesn't care with his own health,
I won't give a damn anyway.

I was once being taken for granted
and that kind of experience has become a lesson for me.
I won't let this kind of typical jerk do the same thing to me.
not again. thank you.

I love thick eyebrows
I am sick with your highbrow.

Friday, 2 September 2016

Turns Into Memory

I will never be able to feel her hugs and kisses
or see her big smiles anymore.
but now she will stay in my mind,
only sweet memories of her that last.

Early this morning, the telephone at my home rang several times. I didn't pick it up. Somehow I know it rang for something urgent. Then, my phone rang, I saw my auntie's name and I decided not to answer it.

When my mom got home, she talked on the phone and the next thing I know she was crying. Big sister of my grandpa passed away this morning.

She was 90++ years old. I started to know her well two years ago, when it becomes a new habit in my family to visit my grandparents every holiday.

My grandpa has 4 siblings: one big sis, two little sisters, and one little brother. One of the little sisters have been gone for years. She passed away before I was able know her well.

Now, the loss of the big sis, might cause my grandpa and his siblings get scarier to face the unavoided life truth: everybody is going to die.

I know my grandpa's big sis as a warm person. She was the only relative who hug me so tight. She used to give me the longest kiss I have ever known. She is warm, that's the very first thing I know about her.

The more I know about her, the more I like her. She is the one who makes me proud of my big fam. At least I have one relative who is aging successfully. Seeing what she has done with her life makes me optimist and brave to face my own process of aging.

She lives her life passionately, totally different with the other siblings. She knows well what she wants. She makes a lot of plans, going everywhere freely with 'becak' as if she was young. She has problems with her feet but it is never be the reason for her to stop doing what she loves to do.

There are things she enjoys so much: hangout with groceries sellers in the traditional market, cooking delicious dishes, and trying to do things she has never done before (like making axe!).

Little her children know about the qualities of their mother. They have developed the stereotypes and judgements because of the difficulties their mom occasionaly made. I can understand, anyway, mom of other tend to be cooler than our own. That's because we know our mom too much until her coolness seems faded.

She was known for being stubborn, hard to deal with, and negative thinking kind of person. Those judgements make it hard for her children to see goodness in their mom personality while on the hand, she is the best old-old adults in my big family.

She used to consistently tell me these two core values of her life
1. We born naked and so when we die. Enjoy your life to the fullest, we don't use the money anymore as we die.

2. If there is someone out there can do certain kind of thing, then I can also do it. ("Kalau kowe bisa, inyong juga pasti bisa")

I cannot like her less. She is extraordinarily cool for people on her age.

And now she has moved from the world, peacefully. I am so glad to know she died in her sleep, the only way to die she always wish for.

I will never meet her during any holidays.
Now I can only meet her in daydreams and memories.

See you later Opo Tjing.
Stay awesome up there! :')

Thursday, 1 September 2016

Tidak Tahu

Begitu pun aku
yang baru mengetahui
sosok ideal dambaan
setelah diawali sebuah jumpa.

Ibarat pelangi berterimakasih
pada hujan yang menjadikannya ada,
begitu pun aku berterimakasih
padamu yang menjadikan imajinasiku nyata.