Thursday, 17 November 2016

Everybody Hurts, So Do I

Beautiful illustration taken from here.
Yeah, I am such a problematic person.
Your concern has wakening myself up.
Yesterday I met my senior, a psychologist and a lecturer in our alma mater.
I was naively thought our meeting agenda will only about discussion over
my topic for RRI (Radio of Republic Indonesia) broadcasting.
Unfortunately it turns out to be psychology counseling he mischievously slipped in
between our conversation.

Without my consent, he told me everything he thinks he knows about me.
He said I am such a thinking person with lack of affection awareness.
That's why I have difficulty to be emotionally attached
with every human being outside myself.
That's why I tend to ridicule emotion, which is felt by me or other person.
That's why I don't trust people easily.

He said I have such a thick defense mechanism, using rationalization and intellectualization.
That's why I become such an overthink person.
That's why I am not able to affect well, unlike majority human beings.
That's why I don't buy any damn things he said.

I was shocked yet interested by his analysis about me.
What he said is everything I don't believe.
It is hard for me to believe I am such a very broken person.

He suggested me to seek for professional help.
I said there is no urgency for it, but that's the moment he become effing annoying.

"That's tend to be the symptoms of personality disorder, Stel.
You think you don't need any help, but your surrounding complains a lot."
I have a lot of interpersonal conflicts with others.
My mother, my father, some of my friends, my co-workers, and still counting.
At first I thought it is common, since I naively rest the case to miscommunication.
But as I ruminate what he said and how he shows his concern on me consistently,
I re-evaluate his inconvenient judgement about me.

No I think I need a help from psychologist.
Thanks for the wake up call, Wid.
You are sucks.