|me. shucks. everyday.|
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being in a long distance relationship (within the same time zone)
is a new experience for me. I'm glad to experience it, anyway.
in spite of the fact that the torture feels much more than the merry
but I am still grateful I'm currently have a 'virtual' boyfriend.
in his absence, unavailability, yeah you name it,
I learned a lot of things.
I analyzed myself, so much I can't help it.
one day, I found out I am such a terrible person
when I have to hold my own loneliness.
I used to be alone for years and okay with it.
unfortunately, since I create perfect imagination of this 'virtual boyfriend',
his presence, as simple as his name appears on my notification bar,
really brighten up my day.
yeah, our mind can be so deceptive.
honestly, there are times when I feel like
he is just a bot who says good morning,
reminds me to eat lunch and dinner,
and checking if I arrived home, everyday.
sometimes when I know my friends can easily meet their boyfriends
as easy as making plan in the morning and meet up in the afternoon,
I do want the same thing. so much.
I want to see him,
I want to talk to him in person.
not over the artificial text or voice on the phone.
I want your whole self as a person being there in front of me.
making connections much deeper than using any other media.
I often ask myself, "what have I done by accepting
this stupid offering, being in such ridiculous LDR?".
interestingly, I tend to manage to find the answer for my own question.
yeah, one of my psychologist friend told me I have a strong ability
to rationalize obstacles in my life.
there are times when I hate my deceitful mind.
this is just one of many occasions.
I am beyond-physical person.
this is the most bullshit I tend to say to myself, lately.
I pretend to make it happen.
I know I am such a quality-time addict.
but this time I am challenged to be beyond myself.
I become immature when I meet any fully grown-up person.
actually, this is nonsense.
how can a well-functioning person makes you feel less than yourself.
I think, instead of diminishing other,
someone who has been well developed, supposed to nourish
growth of other people.
When I feel down, the problem is within me.
this is truly a false belief.
nothing is wrong when someone feels down,
thus when it feels guilty after you feel something,
there must be things not right.
work with it, end the toxic relationship if needed.
everyone should be free from guilty feeling
for everything they feel, shouldn't they?
by the way, somehow during your absence,
I spent my time browsing for stuff usually LDR-couple do.
I am amazed at how creative people can be,
LDR can be sweet, after all.
|read the tips from here.|
well, one month is enough for all the lessons.
I think it comes the time to let us go, virtual boyfriend.
thank you for the experience and the short class.