Wednesday, 5 July 2017

In Absentia #1 - Self-Control

thanks Adams Carvalho for the illustration.
it's been a week since our last loooong talk over the phone.
I don't know whether he gets it or not.
I do miss his voice and his stories.

I try my best not to add his troubles.
the first two day he didn't call,
I went through extreme struggle.
bad mood, insecurity, disappointment,
and many other negativeness haunted me.
I thought I might be insane.

exhausted with my own thought,
I asked for advice to my living diary.
thankfully, she was very mad at me.

#1: People should fulfill one's promise. One of the thing that differentiate from a good person and normal and not is how well someone is keeping his words. Is it polite enough, thoughtfully said or not, really mean it or not, fulfill it or not. Because in one way or another, it shows how trusted someone or he's just a hypocrite.
#2: Life is full of uncertainty. Even you are the greatest person in the world, no matter how you mean your words, if things happen, things happen. Sometimes you need to choose (to me, more likely than not, you will have a choice) to revise your plan or promise. In this case, probably you see it as a promise thus has more effect on you. By understanding that, you also need to understand how important it is.
#3: Understanding and forgiveness. You can consider few things like "is he always like this? Is he doing it with a weak reason? If I were him, what will I do?". After you reflect, try to reconcile. Talk about it after that. Say how you feel, use more "we" that pointing the blame on you or use I as self-focus statement. Use feel than think.
#4: Wake up and realize that your life is not only revolve around him. Whatever things that make you believe he is serious with you is only his words. I'm not asking you to be a bitter person and have no faith on humanity or hate people by believing that all men are the same: jerk and liar. At least approach it with caution. You can't be too naive.
#5: Mastering the 4 points above and then do live you life in a more interesting way. Go out with friends or do something you like. "Baper" only waste your time and time is limited. Be a person with value added, don't make yourself to be your own dementor. Prove yourself worth and stop being stupid for not being called. It is for other party to make it up to you, not for you to be annoyed and let it ruin your day. Bego lu.
Anti-"Baper" trick #1: Understand about priority. You should know how much a person or a matter deserve your thought.
Anti-"Baper" trick #2 (shucks version): Find another "toy". 
well, her words really hit me hard.
I realized I am such a childish person
who tend to always get what I want.

his absence for days makes me rethink about
what kind of person I am.
sadly, I have to admit the fact that I am such a spoiled kid.
the ridiculous thing is when this spoiled kid
always asks for a mature person to be hers.

now, he is in front of her eyes,
she feels happy about it,
but she behaves inappropriately just because
he's been unavailable for days.

dear Universe,
thanks for granted her the thing she wants in her life
and
please do forgive her for her stupidity.