Monday, 10 July 2017

In Absentia #2 - Over-Apologizing

taken from my fav resource
Regards Coupables

this time, I've decided to talk to my brother.
he's my private counselor and currently I need to hear his words.
I am deadly confused with my own discomfort
to receive daily sorry from him
because he hasn't managed to call me for ... geez I lost count.

several things I feel right now:

  • I have nothing to say anymore to reply his sorry text.
  • I don't think I need his sorry since it feels like a night ritual.
  • I appreciate his apology, it shows he remembers his promise quite well.
  • my craving for his voice vanished somewhere I don't know.
  • I don't expect him to call.
  • I feel tired of wanting him to call.
  • there come sometime I am afraid we are going to be awkward
    when we have to talk to each other like those days we used to.

I talked to my brother about things I feel.
I can't stand them anymore, those feelings really disturbing
and I am not really sure whether it was a right thing to say
"keep your sorry to yourself until you make it.
I do understand your condition and I hope you can make your promise."


"there will come the time when he no longer says sorry
then you regret to tell him not to say sorry."

the words of my brother feels like a hard slap on my face.
"what the heck I'm doing?"

then the long conversation with my personal counselor, began.
some relationship issues I addressed to him:

  • I have nothing to say anymore to reply his sorry text.
  • private counselor said: try to be grateful, he's still saying sorry it's good enough. at least by you replied him saying okay, it's enough.
    what if he thought I'm doing passive-aggressive move just by saying okay?
    pcs: be genuine and everything else is other people's problem, not yours.
     
  • my craving for his voice vanished somewhere I don't know.
  • pcs: doesn't it good? you got back to your sense.
     
  • I feel tired of wanting him to call.
  • pcs: it's your own problem. never expect anything from anyone. try to do thing without any expectation. heartache prevention is such an anti-theses to love someone whole-fully.

there are many things we talked about tonight
and our talk just makes me feel I am such a spoiled brat
who is blessed enough to have my brother around.
at the end of our conversation, he asked me
"can't you think about everything by yourself?"

"no, I don't have such capacity. by the way, that's the reason He sent you to be my brother, isn't it? to help me through this complicated life."

not long after I went downstairs to enter my room,
a text from my pcs appeared.
he sent me this link, an article from Psychology Today
about over-apologizing.
I am touched and send him the link to know
what kind of Apology Language he has.

each time I've talked to my brother,
it only adds more love over him.
I am not ready to lose him in September.
I do need you, my one and only brother I adore.
thank you for always being there when I even can't understand what's going on with me.

#BeyondGrateful #BrotherSisterhood

PS:
as I remember I was once post this image, somewhere in my blog.
I don't manage to find the post which contains it, so here is the
apology vs thank you illustration from Yao Xiao